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Teeth:

Teeth is a sweet story about a virginal teenage girl who is becoming a woman and trying to understand
all of the things that come with it. You know how it goes, she is making new friends, battling sexual
urges, and trying to understand why she has a vicious set of teeth in her vagina waiting to take a bite!

Definitely not a film to watch with the family, and I wouldn't suggest it to anyone who is squeamish
about seeing a few cocks get chopped off. I however have a strong stomach and a desire to see the
latest and greatest shocking moments that a film can offer! Absolutely hilarious, this film will have you
holding your groin as you roll on the floor laughing!

Stay Alive:

Oh darlings... the things you end up watching when summer has left you nothing better to do. In case
you were living under a rock in 2006 the plot of Stay Alive circles around a group of friends who get into
a killer online game. The downside of this online horror adventure is that the way you die in the game is
the way you will die in reality.

Oh no kids... look out! Spoiler alert coming!

I would have tolerated the movie if it turned out to be some psycho who created the game as some
creative means to pick out victims. Unfortunately that wasn't the story. As it turns out supernatural
spirits from the past now have a new updated way of coming back for revenge. The cool thing for
disembodied beings is to become video game software engineers... maybe they get their degrees from
Devry? The only thing more bizarre than the plot is watching little Malcolm in the Middle star, Frankie
Muniz, in a horror film.
Yet another waste of time.

Dead Birds:

Set back during the time of the Civil War, this film has a old western meets new special effects sort of
feel. It follows a group of outlaws as they rob a bank and run for the border. Before they reach ol'
Mexico though they decide to stay the night in an abandoned home of a friend. Now begins the classic
haunted house fall back where the film asks the age old question of "will the characters make it through
the night?". However with this film, who cares? There is so little character development to begin with
that it doesn't really matter if they get brutally killed or if they live to tell the tale. Even if they did live
to tell the tale, the characters are so dull who would want to listen?! The special effects are O.K.,
crazy looking creatures and your typical sunken eyed demonic kids. They would be more exciting of
course if they left them on the screen longer than a blinks length. My lord, if you have to adjust the
straps of your straight jacket you will probably miss it. The other big issue I had was the entire film has
that spooky music and "what's behind the door" feeling. So you spend the every second of every minute
of the movie waiting for the jump moments that only happen in very brief fleeting seconds anyway. I
liked that they stepped out of the box with the time period, but eveything else just felt a bit too Chiller
TV for me. I'm sure Chiller has it on right as we speak... so I guess I should have saved my five bucks.
You rent and you learn.

Reeker... and my continuing issues with Chiller TV

Chiller TV... for the love of all that is gore-filled and disturbing in this world I beg of you to show
something worth watching. I understand that money has got to be a bit tight with a novelty channel
based on spooky stories brought to film... but come on! I am not asking for you to change everything
and turn it in to 24 hours of wall to wall bloodshed (although I wouldn't mind). I love that you show
classics like Hitchcock and Tales From the Crypt. What I don't love is the endless supply of shitty films
that you seem to have. What did you do? Did you just head down to the local grocery store's $5 video
bin to collect those? The 101 (kooky little shit channel on Direct TV) shows cheesy Troma classics
every halloween hosted by a couple of delightful weirdos who really make it a full cinema experience!
Why can't you do that? If you are going to keep showing shit films at least make it seem like you did it
on purpose! Get some silly character to host "Shit Videos We Bought At The Car Wash Hour"... you may
want to shorten the title. At least then I might consider tuning in for some reason other than there was
nothing else on and my monthly cramps were so bad I couldn't run away.

Anyway... Reeker. Yet another group of young people get stranded in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere
and start getting picked off one by one. At least the bad guy isn't some weirdo hillbilly or loner living in a
trailer. Instead it seems to be a take on the Grimm Reaper. Only he stinks... or should I say reeks... get
it? Reek. Reek-er. Yeah. Real inventive. I would say more about the film but that pretty much said it all.