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January: |
1408: 1408 is one of many movies based on one of Stephen King's short stories. This being said, you already know the premise will be good. This film follows the skeptical writer Mike Enslin (John Cusack) who is working on a book called "Ten Nights in Haunted Hotel Rooms". While he doesn't believe in ghosts or hauntings, his curiousity is aroused when he receives a postcard in the mail instructing him to stay away from room 1408 at the Dolphin Hotel. He becomes even more intrigued when he learns how many bizarre deaths have occured in that room. After finally convincing the hotel's manager (Samuel L. Jackson) to hand over the key, he heads up to the room for the night. Hold tight to your teddy bears little ones, because as soon as he enters that room the real entertainment begins! It all starts as just a few, strange little occurances... but then before you know it you are thrown into a paranormal rollercoaster with incredible special effects and some great jump moments that may just send you flying out of your seat... unless someone already has you strapped down for one reason or another! I will admit that although I love Stephen King's films, I think they sometimes have a tendancy to go on a little longer than necessary. This one is no exception. Don't stop the film though, because once you get past the somewhat drawn out point late into the movie, the ending is more than worth the wait to get to it! |
BLACK SHEEP: The main character, a sheep-a-phobic young man named Henry, returns to his childhood home to sell his half of the family sheep business and hopefully get some closure. Unfortunately, once he discovers that the sheep are changing into man-eating monsters, closure is the last thing on his mind. All of his worst nightmares and paranoid thoughts are coming true right before his eyes and he has to either grow a pair and stand up to the homicidal livestock, or die trying! The plot is predictable, the acting poor, the maniac sheep are completely unbelievable, and the gore is cheesy at best. However, between the hilarious sheep flying through the air as they tear out a throat or two, and the classic "boy meets sheep" jokes, you can't help but love this movie just a little. Besides, any movie that has the "Rocky Mountain Oysters" to turn one of the most innocent of barnyard animals into crazy, flesh-eating killers gets a gold star in my book! A grotesquely bloody massacre with human and sheep matter splattering the screen from start to finish. I promise you have never seen a monster movie this funny since "Critters"... but you might want to try counting something else as you go to sleep from now on! |
CARRIE: Carrie White, played by Sissy Spacek, spends all day at school being teased and tormented by the other kids, and all night at home being abused and brainwashed by her "Jesus Freak" mother. It also doesn't help that she has to go through puberty and learn how to contol telekinesis all at the same time. No wonder the girl is a little odd! Odd or not though, after an invitation to the prom she decideds to come out of her shell and try to socialize like a normal teenager. If only they had left her alone. If only they had been nice to her... but how were they supposed to know she could control things with her mind! In a world where school shootings and juvenile delinquents are plastered all over the news, sometimes it's nice to think back to a more simple time... a time where when you picked on a kid they didn't run off and grab a gun, or join a gang, or start writing whiny poetry in a dark room somewhere. A time where they just snapped and used their telekinetic powers to wipe out the entire prom! Ahh, those were the days... |
JACK FROST: After an auto accident with a chemical truck, a serial killer on his way to his execution puts a new spin on being "exposed to the elements"! With the help of a little movie magic, the chemicals from the truck mutate this murderer with the fallen snow and create the funniest half-human/half-inanimate object since "Chucky" graced us with his presence! This version of "Frosty" won't be singing, or dancing, or entertaining the kiddies. This guy has more important things to do... so little time, so many to kill! Much in the spirit of "Black Sheep" and "Critters", I find the lack of taste and overflow of blood is just absolutely delightful. This movie will either have you hanging your head in shame for having watched such a cheesy film, or it will have you rolling on the floor with laughter! So my dear, will I be meeting you on the floor? |
THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE: "The film which you are about to see is an account of the tragedy which befell a group of five youths, in particular Sally Hardesty and her invalid brother, Franklin. It is all the more tragic in that they were young. But, had they lived very, very long lives, they could not have expected nor would they have wished to see as much of the mad and macabre as they were to see that day. For them an idyllic summer afternoon drive became a nightmare. The events of that day were to lead to the discovery of one of the most bizarre crimes in the annals of American history, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre." Just hearing that incredible opening statement sets the tone for this horrifying tale of a road trip gone bad. So many people have tried to take the premise of teens on vacation being butchered by maniacs and make a movie out of it. Very few of them have been able to create something more than just a slasher flick, and even less have created a film that measures up to infamous story of "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre". While the special effects of this 1970's classic are not going to be spectacular, you have to keep in mind that when this was made it was mind-blowing. The release of this film in theaters marks one of the most important times in horror movie history. This was the birth of "Leatherface". This is the original. This is the one that if you haven't seen it, you are not a true horror fan. So my darlings, start up your power tools and save me a seat! |