may

The Sick House:

Oh, darlings... I made a mistake this time. Your girl Rosie went to the local video
station and rented a mistake! I saw The Sick House on the shelf, it sounded
interesting and the images were pretty creepy. Well, as we all know you can't judge a
book by its cover!

This sad attempt at a film follows a woman named Anna who is trying to find
something significant in an abandoned hospital before it is torn down and all of its
history is lost. A group of three young people come running inside the old hospital to
hide out after they comit a hit and run. As the four of them meet up and wander the
grounds they realize that they are not alone. There is something evil in there waiting
to take them out one by one.

While I will admit that the blood and gore are pretty good, that is this film's only
saving grace. The dialogue sucks and is way too quiet in comparison to the action.
The characters are cheesey at best. And most of all the plot seems like it was
slapped together last minute.

One Missed Call:

My darlings, I am so sorry, but this week has left me with yet another film that I
wouldn't recommend. I didn't have the highest hopes for One Missed Call to begin
with. It just looked like another one of those generic scary movies with a dash of the
supernatural, hint of plot (usually lifted from a better film), and overflowing with
young, dumb actresses. These movies seem to have a new one released every week,
and although some of them actually make it to theaters they are all the same dribble
just re-hashed with some new special effects.

One Missed Call is basically The Ring meets Final Destination. You hear an unknown
ringtone. You see that you have voicemail on your phone. The voicemail is the sound
of you dying. Then a day or so later you die and your corpse calls the next unlucky
bastard. To her credit, the main actress in this movie is not just another young, dumb
actress. She in a fabulous film called Wristcutters, which was a great film with enough
wonderfully dark humor to make even the coldest of corpses laugh!

This wouldn't be the worst film you could rent. While it was dull and very predictable,
I would probably watch it again... if I was in bed with the flu, doped up on cold
medicine, and there wasn't another slighly less boring movie on Chiller that I could rot
my brain watching!

Diary of the Dead:

Following the release of my interview with the great Tom Savini here at The Crypt I
bring you yet another important landmark occasion... My review of Diary of the Dead!

George A. Romero breaks new ground in the zombie film industry every time he gets
out of bed. This film is exactly what we would expect from the King of the Dead
himself! The entire film is shot like a documentary capturing the events and the very
realistic emotions you would expect to see pop up on You Tube after a zombie
epidemic broke out. The folks who tossed together The Blair Witch Project should take
a glipse at this one-- this is how you do it! Although it was released straight to DVD
this is not just another slapped together horror flick that you could run across on
Thriller. This is a great take on the zombie genre and the perfect fifth piece to an
already fabulous collection of films!

While other movies may give you more chills no one delivers a thrill like Romero! And in
case you are listening Mr. Romero, I would be more than happy to donate my body to
zombie science if you are ever in need of an extra living dead girl-- just drop me a
line!

Tooth and Nail:

"Horror; a genre of motion picture intended to thrill viewers by provoking fear or
revulsion through the depiction of grotesque, violent, or supernatural events."
When you begin your commercials with that I kind of expect to be scared. I want to
be scared! Although I love the concept for 8 Films to Die For, and every year I say "I
am so going!", I never do go... and it's because while they make good movies and I do
enjoy most of them I don't find any of them very frightening. 2007 seemed especially
dull.

Tooth and Nail is another Horrorfest film that failed to scare me. It follows a group of
people living in a hospital trying to survive cannibal attacks in a post-apocalyptic
America. I did love the idea of how our nation and civilization crumbled... we just ran
out of gas. Now that is a fantastic and creepily realistic way for the world to end!
Now I don't want to give the impression that I didn't like the film-- I kind of liked the
film. Like I kind of like cheese in a can. It's a pretty good snack when you're in a hurry
and don't really want to get involved in a good meal. That's how this film was. It's
pretty good when you need something for background noise while you curl your hair. I
recommend it to anyone looking for a somewhat dull, slow as hell, brainless action
movie with cannibals in it.

If I wanted to watch an action flick then I would put my money into a good Will Smith
or Bruce Willis movie. I save my horror funds for actual horror movies. Sorry After
Dark, you just haven't scared me yet... but I adore your commercials!